


if you just let me invade your space

by auroraoraora



Series: Love in a Time of Swimming Pools [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Hiyori stops being a jerk, M/M, Reference to sexual assault, hiyori and kisumi are both hurting, hiyori is a jerk, parental neglect, reference to abortion, reference to biphobia, rich hiyori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-13 16:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auroraoraora/pseuds/auroraoraora
Summary: Alternate title: any lyric from "boyfriend" by Ariana Grande and Social House. (Seriously, any. It's basically the theme song.)Kisumi and Hiyori are both in the same situation: having to see the one you want with someone else. All the time. Kisumi decides to help Hiyori get a rebound, but what if Hiyori decides he doesn't want to play?
Relationships: Kirishima Ikuya/Shiina Asahi, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto, Shigino Kisumi/Tono Hiyori
Series: Love in a Time of Swimming Pools [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/119362
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	1. tonight I'm making deals with the devil

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Barrel of Monkeys](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16801696) by [AmberGalaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberGalaxy/pseuds/AmberGalaxy), [SamCyberCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamCyberCat/pseuds/SamCyberCat). 

> READ BARREL OF MONKEYS. JUST DO IT. Seriously, I don't think I would have ever started in with this pairing (or the last story either, for that matter) if I had never read it. It was all by itself in the Hiyori/Kisumi tag for so long, I thought it needed a friend.  
(If there are any triggers, please let me know and I will tag for them at my earliest convenience.)  
Kisumi is an Ariana Grande stan, don't even @ me  
(BTW, Chapters 1&3 are Kisumi pov, and 2&4 are Hiyori pov)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisumi just wanted to Queer Eye somebody. He wasn't expecting to get pinned to a wall in a changing room in one of the most expensive stores in Tokyo, but he's not complaining.

How is it that I’m the only person in my group that’s single?

That might sound a little mean, but I’m being serious. When you mostly spend time with a large group of very attractive men, and you don’t get to touch any of them… what’s the fun of that?

Makoto is definitely the finest, though. Never has a bad thing to say about anyone, has a way with kids (Hayato bonded with him pretty easily, which is definitely a good thing) and good god, that body. Seriously, at the risk of sounding like Rin’s sister, he could choke me with his leg muscles and I’d use my last breath to thank him.

Unfortunately for me, though, he’s the one man type, having been completely dedicated to Haru since before I met them. Haru doesn’t want to share, but I wouldn’t be able to if he was mine, so I can’t really blame him. There’s been a few times when I’d come to campus early and I’d see Haru “walking” down the street (it was more like a waddle, really) wearing the same clothes he was wearing the previous day. I can’t really judge, since I’ve done that same waddle myself. Sure, it sucks that I can’t get the man I want, but knowing he’s happy with someone who treats him right is good enough for me.

* * *

One day, we’re all hanging out at the Marron when Hiyori takes me aside. I haven’t really talked to him much, aside from the time when I asked him if he wanted to join the basketball club. But it seems like he’s chilled out since all the drama this summer, so what could it hurt?

“How do you do it?” I must look confused, because he continues, “Acting like it doesn’t hurt to see Nanase all over Tachibana, I mean. I can barely look at Ikuya when he’s with Shiina, and they aren’t even in the same league when it comes to showing PDA. Doesn’t anybody else get disturbed by it? Nobody else thinks it’s creepy?”

“Really, Toono? You’re saying that someone else is creepy?” He was, but I heard he’s going to a therapist, so hopefully that’s helping. “Besides, I know for a fact that Haru only tries to use Makoto as furniture when I’m around. Asahi said he doesn’t do it when it’s just the three of them, or when Ikuya is there, too. Haru is pretty good at acting like he doesn’t care about anything, but he’s actually very insecure. It’s actually kind of hilarious to watch.”

“Okay, you’ve made your point. But you haven’t really answered my question.” Well, I was never really in love with Makoto (really more like infatuation, or lust, if you ask my parents) but I’m pretty sure Hiyori is/was actually in love with Ikuya, so the situations are rather different. I knew from the beginning that I would never have a chance with Makoto, as Haru loves reminding me, but Hiyori probably did think he had a shot with Ikuya. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before, so I can’t imagine what he must be feeling or how hard being heartbroken is.

“Well, I knew from the beginning that I had no chance with Makoto. I think the situations are too different for me to really say anything about it. The only thing you can really do now is move on. It’s time for you to enter your ‘thank u, next’ phase.”

“What? I don’t understand.” He’s lucky he’s cute, because not being a fan of Queen Ariana Grande is a serious character flaw. “Are you saying I need to find someone else?”

“Now you’re getting it! You just need to get a new outfit, and go to a party and hook up with somebody! You’re pretty good looking, you’ll definitely find someone. I’ll be your wingman and everything.”

“You’re inviting yourself along?”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way- picking your clothes, doing your hair, everything. What’s your budget?” I can’t imagine it’s much. Not a big deal, though. If the person is hot enough, even clothes taken out of the dumpster can look good.

Meanwhile, Hiyori is pulling out his wallet, and showing me a platinum credit card. “Does this answer your question?” I can’t imagine how my face looks as he continues on. “My parents are both from wealthy families. They probably could’ve just coasted on the family name alone, but they didn’t. My mother is an attorney and my father runs a tech consulting firm back in Silicon Valley. We’re going to Roppongi and Ginza.” He says it so casually, there’s no room for argument. Not that I’d argue- normally I could only dream of shopping at places like that, and now I get to give someone a makeover? Sounds like a great time to me!

* * *

I don’t really know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. These clothes are so fancy, I feel like I should be paying just to look at them, like it’s a museum. Knowing I’ll probably never be able to afford any of this kind of sucks, but it’s fun just to look and imagine, right?

Hiyori is looking at suits, and while that’s not exactly what I’d planned for him, I can’t really stop him. I must say though, he has good taste. I never would’ve expected him to go for a grey one.

“You’re going to let me come over and raid your wardrobe, right? We wear the same size.” He doesn’t really say anything, but I kind of expected that going in, so I’m not too mad about it. He’s just gone into the fitting room when I spot a shirt that I think will look good on him. I stick my hand through the curtain to give it to him when he pulls me into his dressing room.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” He pins me up against the wall, and sure, normally getting pinned to the wall by a hot guy would end up being a fun time, but now I’m mostly just confused. I’m sure I could get away if I wanted to, but I think I’ll hear him out first. “Why are you doing this?”

“Don’t play dumb. Isn’t this what you were after? We’re both pining after someone we can’t have. You’re acting like you’re this great person- you barely know me and yet you’re willing to use me like I’m some fucking paper doll- dressing me up and sending me out to play with somebody else? Why should I have to do that, when there’s someone right here?”

“I- I didn’t-” Being told off by a guy who’s only half dressed, his shirt completely open- why am I getting turned on by this? Oh, right. Abs. His are pretty glorious.

“Come now, Shigino. You don’t have to dress me up like a doll to see me without my clothes. Let’s make things easy- we can use each other as much as we want. It can just be sex, or we can even pretend to be dating if you want. Doesn’t really matter to me. We’ll stop if one of us finds someone we want to be with long term. Will you agree to that?” I’m sure that he’d back off if I didn’t agree- Ikuya would never be friends with someone who would force himself on other people.

Turns out Hiyori is full of surprises, but I’ll be damned if I don’t surprise him too. He won’t be expecting me to put my hands on the back of his head, dragging him in for a kiss, so naturally, that’s exactly what I do. Sure enough, he’s shocked for a second- just long enough for me to set the pace. I’m not opposed to being dominated, but someone who thinks he’s going to do it without a fight needs to learn the hard way that I’m not one to be fucked with.

I let go of his head and he pulls away, looking like a mix between shocked and angry. His glasses are slightly fogged up, and oh god, am I into that? “Do you really think I’ll just do whatever you want? I am just as capable as you- never forget that. I will agree to your deal, though. I admit I’m curious to see what you can do. Hopefully my fake boyfriend can keep me satisfied.”

I definitely wasn’t expecting to be pinned to a wall of a dressing room in a department store in Ginza while making out with Hiyori, but honestly, I’m not going to worry about it.

And if I’m waddling slightly the next day, then that’s nobody’s business but my own, right?


	2. I'm so used to being used

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiyori is not used to dealing with outgoing people. Kisumi's got him revealing all the things that he doesn't tell anyone. Meanwhile, Ikuya doesn't seem to agree with the way Hiyori has chosen to do things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still in shock that SamCyberCat has read this story. I was dancing and singing outside in the snow, people thought I was crazy or on drugs or something, probably. Oh well. I hope that this chapter is just as good. I think it took me about 18 hours to write this one, in between work and sleeping.

Shigino is an adequate fake boyfriend, as far as that goes. We’ve been “dating” for about three weeks now, and while we haven’t directly said anything to the rest of the group, I know that Ikuya at least knows something’s up. Shiina probably didn’t notice unless Ikuya said something to him, and Tachibana and Nanase are too busy trying to fuse into one lifeform to pay attention to what anyone else is doing. Shigino has tried to grab me while we were with Ikuya, and he was very close to catching us.

We’re doing a great job of being subtle, really.

We spend the most time together over the weekend, like most college students. There’s a café I like near Shimogami, and Shigino seems to like it, too. He’s never complained, anyway. We order a coffee, mine, and some brightly colored concoction he takes a million pictures of before finally drinking it. I’m sure I’m supposed to find this behavior endearing, but I mostly just find it obnoxious. After that we usually just end up jogging or working out (apparently all of the other couples Shigino knows work out together, so we have to as well), before we end up going back to my place. He lives with his uncle, who apparently has made it very clear that he will not be okay with any hooking up under his roof. I’ve never met the guy, but from what I’ve heard, he’s usually pretty genial, but with a surprising hardass side.

We don’t usually talk after sex, but he asks me a question one day.

“So if you’re rich, why have you never used that to try and win Ikuya over?”

“It’s not like it would’ve worked. Ikuya doesn’t care about money. Shiina obviously doesn’t have a lot, even if his father seems to have a decent job. And it’s not like money is a substitute for actual love.” I’m about to reveal Things I Don’t Tell Anybody, but in this moment, I feel safe sharing these things with him. “My parents didn’t want a child- they wanted a prop. Mom especially didn’t want to bother with raising a child- I thought the nanny was my mother until I was four. Instead of spending time with me, they just threw money at me until I stopped asking them for time. We moved for my father’s job, and they got divorced a few years later- they cared more about their own images than about how their son felt. Mom is here in Japan, and dad is back in California with a 22 year old girlfriend. People probably think she’s his daughter.”

“I hear you about shitty families. I could cure cancer, solve global hunger, and become the fucking prime minister, and my parents would probably still criticize me about something. My father has basically called me a whore to my face, and he likes to ask me, ‘so if you’re bisexual, why don’t you just date girls?’ He hates that I’m close with his brother. Meanwhile, my mother pretty much gave up on me once Hayato was born. I love Hayato to death- I would do anything for him, and I know he’s completely innocent in all of this, but it feels like my parents just had him because they wanted a redo. He’s eight years younger than I am, and my mom hates that he’s closer to me than either of them. They’d probably try to have a third, but I’m sure they’re too old for that by now.”

If I’m being honest, it’s kind of a relief that I’m not the only one with a sucky family. I can actually feel myself becoming closer to Shigino, and even if this fake relationship doesn’t last, I would still be willing to call him a friend.

* * *

I’ve been wondering when Ikuya would ask me why Shigino keeps spending time with us, and one day, about six weeks after we started, he finally does.

“Shigino wanted a workout buddy, and since I had some free time, I decided to indulge him. That’s really all there is to it.”

“But if he just works out with you, then why does he keep going to cafes and eating with us? You never let anyone else come with us during high school. Is there something you’re not telling me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends.” He has the nerve to say that after rejecting me for Shiina? These sorts of thoughts are unwelcome, but they still come to me.

“You rejected me, so I thought things might be awkward with just the two of us. He’s not bad in bed, either.” I wasn’t planning on saying that, but some deep down part of me wants to make him jealous, for him to know that I am not completely reliant on him.

“You’re sleeping with Kisumi?” He looks more confused than I expected him to. “And you never actually confessed to me, so I’m not sure how I rejected you.”

“What did you think that night on the slide was? It should’ve been obvious that I was confessing.”

“You should’ve said that, then. Thanks for making me think that my parents, my brother, and my best friend all didn’t want to be around me anymore. Asahi was the only one to actually tell me he wanted to be with me, and people wonder why I chose him! I think you had the right idea with us not spending time together anymore.” Ikuya gets up to leave, and even if he doesn’t love me, I do want to remain friends with him. I know that much, at least.

“Ikuya, I-”

“No, it’s fine. Whatever you want to do with Kisumi is your business, I don’t really care about that part. It’s fine that my parents didn’t want to deal with me, so they passed it onto Natsuya. But he snapped under the pressure, and then he passed it onto you, and you ended up snapping, too. At least I know that if Asahi snaps, he took it on willingly.” Ikuya stops and shakes his head briefly before continuing. “I think we really should spend some time apart. It’s for the best.” Ikuya already had his hand on the doorknob, and now he’s turning it. Even if I could make words come out, what could I possibly say that could convince him when he’s already made up his mind?

* * *

Before I even know what I’m doing, I have my phone out, and I’m sending Shigino a text.

**HT: Are you available tonight?**

**KS: Actually I was going to go to the gym tonight, but I can skip it if you’d rather do something else**

**HT: Can I join you, actually? Ikuya and I just got into an argument, and that’d be perfect for getting my mind off things.**

**KS: Sounds great! Meet you at the station in 30?**

* * *

Playing basketball and lifting weights together is a decent way to pass the time. It wasn’t as good as sinking to my knees in front of him in the shower stall, though.

We go outside after we’ve dried off, and the rapturous look on his face is gone now, replaced by a look of concern. “Do you want to talk about it?” He’s already started leading us to the protein shake bar we’ve visited a few times together, and it’s actually kind of nice that he already knows what I wanted to do next.

I sigh, getting ready to metaphorically spill my guts again. I know Shigino is supposed to be my boyfriend, but I’m still not used to having anyone to vent to. Ikuya didn’t really want to listen, and I’d often end up saying it to the air, because he was usually dealing with his own issues.

“There’s not really much to say. Ikuya wanted to know why we were spending so much time with him, I told him, and he said he thinks maybe we should spend less time together. He still thinks everyone is ditching him. I guess he still has his own issues to work through, too.”

“Can I talk to you about something now?” I’ve never heard Shigino sound so vulnerable in the entire time I’ve known him, so I wonder what he could have to say. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I think maybe we should stop pretending to date.” Getting rejected by two guys in one day? I think that might be a new record. I must look devastated, because he quickly adds, “No, I don’t mean it like that. It’s just, I’ve been going on dates with a few other people lately.” He looks kind of scared to be saying this, but it’s not like we ever said we were going to be exclusive, so I can’t really get angry about it. “And, they weren’t bad or anything, but… I thought about you the whole time. Honestly, I just wanted to leave and spend time with you instead. As of right now, I don’t think there’s anyone I’d rather be with than you. Want to try it for real?”

Being friends with benefits is one thing, but an actual, real relationship? I’ve never been in one before, so this is kind of a big step for me. “Can I think it over? Given everything that’s just happened, I’m still kind of shaken. It’s nothing against you, I just have a lot to think about right now.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Of course. I'll text you later, then.” Then he walks away, never once pausing to look back.


	3. you know how I'm feeling inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisumi doesn't want to move on, but he might not have a choice. Hiyori hasn't spoken to him in a few days, since Kisumi asked if he wanted to make things official. However, Ikuya has a plan to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to upload this last night, but I fell asleep before I could. Then I was going to do it this morning, but I didn't have internet. I didn't even type this note all in one go, since my sister asked me to help her practice for her driving test. (It's on Wednesday! Wish her luck! It's her 4th try, so she's pretty nervous.)  
Anyway, hope you like the chapter! There's some Hiyori savagery and Asahi flirting with Ikuya over text.

It’s been about three days since I told Hiyori my feelings (we’ve had sex, it’s stupid to keep calling him by his last name) and I haven’t heard anything from him since then.

Being around the Marron is kind of awkward now. Ikuya has no clue how to deal with me. Normally it’d be funny, but now it just makes me feel like shit. Asahi and Makoto are bending over backwards to be as nice to me as possible. Even Haru is trying in his own way, because he isn’t rubbing his relationship in my face anymore, and he isn’t glaring anymore, either. (Makoto probably made him do it.) At one point, Makoto pulls me aside, and Haru is definitely watching me, but I can tell his heart isn’t really in it.

“Is everything okay, Kisumi? I heard from Ikuya that you were having… relations with Toono.” I think the contradiction is hilarious (Makoto being too shy to talk about sex, even though I know for a fact that he does it too). “I admit, I was surprised to hear it at first, but you both looked happier, so I thought it might be for the best. Hopefully you can work things out, but even if you can’t, it’s better that you had the happiness, you know? You actually made a pretty good pair.”

This really must be awkward for Makoto, though. Just the thought of having casual sex would be a completely foreign concept to someone who only has eyes for one person. Like, I’m pretty sure they actually feel no attraction to anyone but the other person, which would make it literally impossible to cheat. Good for them, I guess, but it sucks for everyone else.

Meanwhile, there are things that I have to do by myself now, when I was getting used to doing them with somebody else. What’s the fun of going to the café and taking pictures by yourself? My Instagram feed was so good, with a healthy mix of Hiyori, me, the occasional nature shot, Hayato, drinks and food. There’s no point of even having one if one of the elements is missing. Sure, I could just find someone else, but like I told him, I’d just end up thinking about him the whole time.

Single or not, I have to keep on with school. I think my uncle has noticed my downward spiral (for lack of a better term) because he hasn’t asked me to help him with anything lately. I’ve been thinking, and I think I want to take over his business when he decides he wants to retire. It felt really good helping Haru find a place to live, and I want to give other people that feeling, too. He said he wouldn’t hire me as a partner before I got my degree, though. It’s not required, but it’s probably better to have a backup plan. I actually kind of feel like an adult now, and it’s not an unwelcome feeling.

* * *

Two days after the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had with a middle school classmate, I get a text from Asahi.

**AS: hey I heard Hiyori’s going to karaoke with the Shimogami team tonight**

**KS: good for him**

**AS: don’t be like that! Aren’t you going to even try to get your man?**

**KS: he’s not even my man, he obviously doesn’t care**

I get a group text.

**IK: Hiyori won’t realize anything until he actually sees you again. You’ll have to make him jealous. It’s the only thing that will work.**

**AS: babe your so smart!**

**IK: *You’re**

**AS: I’m what**

I would rather stick a fork into an electrical socket than see any more of this. If nothing happens with Hiyori tonight, I’ll give up on him. It’ll be hard, but it’s the only thing you can do when someone’s just not interested in you. Ikuya later sends me the address of the karaoke bar they’re going to. Ikuya is going pretty far to help out a friend that he’s in a fight with. I think this is part of his apology to Hiyori. Even with all the stuff that’s happened between those two, my desire to keep the group united supersedes any jealousy I may feel.

I take every opportunity I can to dress my best, and tonight is no exception. I have to put on the pair of pants he said he liked (I know they show my ass pretty well), and I wear a white t-shirt with a black cardigan over it- unbuttoned, of course. I know I look good, and it is actually kind of chilly tonight, so I’ll appreciate the warmth, too.

The bar is far enough away to not be able to walk to, so I decide to drive there. Hopefully I’ll get someone in the backseat tonight, even if it’s not Hiyori. Ikuya’s message said that they’ll be in room 14, so I tell the girls at the front desk that I’m with a group that’s already back there. It’s not exactly a lie, right?

I can’t quite find the room, though, and I turn around after reaching a dead end only to find someone behind me.

“Hey, could you tell me how to get to room 14? I’m meeting someone there, and I’m already late.” Never mind that he doesn’t actually know that I’m coming. I can tell this guy is checking me out, and if I wasn’t on a race for love, I wouldn’t be opposed to getting to know him better. I change my mind pretty quickly on that, though, when I move to get away and he follows me.

“I don’t know who you’re meeting, but I’m probably better than him, anyway. Name’s Taisei. Might want to remember that for later, when you’ll be screaming it.” I can smell beer on his breath, and I’m not even that close to him.

“I promise you I won’t be. That line might work on someone else, but not on me. Bye.” His kind veneer was already pretty flimsy, but it’s gone after my attempt to dismiss him.

“I can make you want it. All you gotta do is lay back and take it like a good bitch.” I’ve never wanted to fight somebody before today, but that’s all over now. But just as I start rolling up my sleeves, a familiar voice interjects.

“Do you not speak Japanese? My boyfriend told you to leave. I’m guessing your mother probably tried to abort you, but you couldn’t even do that right, could you?” I had been hoping that Hiyori wouldn’t see this, but now that he’s here, I’m actually kind of glad. I forgot how much of a savage he is. It amazes me how he can say all these horrible things with a huge smile on his face, not that I feel sorry for this moron.

“Fuck you! I can take you, and then I can take this sweet little ass into the bathroom and show him how a real man fucks.”

“Is that right? He probably wouldn’t even feel it if you did. It’s always the ones that brag about themselves who are the most insecure.” Taisei moves to throw a punch, but before he can even connect, security comes and takes us out of the building. Apparently Taisei has been known to cause trouble in various clubs in the neighborhood, and I heard later that he got arrested a few hours after that, after he tried to force himself on a girl, who ended up being the police chief’s daughter. Both of us were banned from the bar, and to be honest, I don’t even care that much. We make our way over to my car, and the first couple of minutes sitting there are awkward. Eventually, I have to break the silence.

“Did you mean what you said?”

“What, about him being a failed abortion and having a tiny dick? Because I definitely meant that.”

“No, not that part! I meant the part about you being my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I did.” I don’t think he’s ever spoken about something so personal before, so I can’t hold his inability to make eye contact against him. “You brought color into my world. It’s never been there before- everything has been gray for so long. Ikuya brought in blue, but you bring every color. Being without color once you’ve had it is just- it’s horrible. I missed you. I feel the need to mention that I didn’t just miss the sex, even thought that was…” Is he blushing? “That was definitely formidable.” Yeah, he’s blushing. “It’s not too late, is it?”

“If it was, I wouldn’t have let you in my car. You know, my uncle told me that I seemed more responsible than usual, and I think this might be why.”

“I think I’ve been missing someone outgoing and bubbly in my life. I had never spent time with anyone like you before, and now I’m not sure why.”

“Shall we go back to your place, then? And at some point we’ll need to go on a real date, too.”

“No karaoke bars, though.” We both laugh as I pull out of the parking lot and onto the road. I never would’ve expected to end up with someone like Hiyori, but I’m okay with life throwing me a few surprises. Seeing all my friends getting into serious relationships was hard for a while, but I’m starting to see the appeal of it.


	4. we both know we can't go without it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loose ends are tied. (Mostly how they were able to stretch out the Ikuya drama for 8 episodes in the age of social media.) Apologies are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating! I had to work, but I still got my turkey dinner in the end. And my sister passed her driving test, too.   
I hope that the ending is good. It's more of an ensemble piece, but I think there's still a good amount of romantic moments. I think I might write some more Haikyuu stories after this. I do have some more Free ideas (mostly MakoHaru and crack, if I'm being honest) but I'm not sure when/if those will ever be written.  
I appreciate everyone who is reading!

Realizing that you’re in love with someone is kind of like being hit in the face. You may or may not know it’s coming, but either way, you’ll be shocked when it does. This goes double for when you’re in love with someone who’s the polar opposite of you, personality wise.

It hurts even more when you realize you actually had a pretty good thing going with them, but they don’t want to be around you at the moment.

At first I resisted when Kisumi (it’s stupid to keep using his last name) tried to get into my head. Then I thought that I had nothing better to do, so it wouldn’t hurt anything to go along with him, right? Ikuya is too busy gallivanting around with Shiina to care what I’m doing. Kisumi kept saying how attractive I was, I’d have no problem finding a rebound. Something in my brain told me that he was hurting too, and wasn’t it weird that he’d help someone else hook up but not himself? I became curious, wanting to know if he was completely selfless or just stupid.

He made me want to be a better person. Being with someone so full of light and goodness just made me want to measure up, to be worthy. I had been shut off from other people for so long, why did I do that? I may have wanted Ikuya, but he wasn’t what I needed, and I’m not what he needs, either. It was hard, realizing that he actually belongs with someone like Shiina, who can make him smile and laugh like he never did with me, but when I did, it was like a weight being lifted off of me. I will need to apologize to him at some point, but I don’t know if we’ll ever be as close as we were before, or if we even should be. It was harsh how he said it, but maybe we really do need a break from each other for a while.

* * *

I’m still not sure how exactly Wednesdays got turned into a group date at the Marron, but I’m not mad about it. Maybe it’s because I only need to go to the therapist once a month now. It might be because Kisumi has successfully moved on from Tachibana, but Nanase has chilled out with the PDA, so I no longer feel the need to bleach my eyeballs after spending any length of time with them. Or it could be the bitterness slowly leaving my body. That is also a possibility. Meanwhile, Ikuya and Shiina are… actually, it’s mostly Shiina flirting, but Ikuya is definitely appreciating it.

On this particular Wednesday, though, finals are coming up, so there’s a lot more studying and a lot less flirting. When six of us go to three different schools, I’m not sure how much studying can be done, so as the two from Shimogami, Ikuya and I are stuck together. At first it’s awkward, but then Ikuya brings something up that I didn’t expect him to know about.

“The guys were getting worried about you at karaoke. It makes sense, though- you got up to use the bathroom and you never came back. Terashima went to try and find you, and when he asked the front desk if they’d seen you, they said you got kicked out for being in a fight. And then they tried to call you, and you didn’t answer.” Oh, right, I probably hadn’t heard it while we were… entangled in each other, for lack of a better word. “I’m supposed to tell you that you’re not invited to any more group activities, but I doubt that it’ll be enforced too harshly. They’ll probably forget after the new semester starts, honestly.”

“I’ve been wondering how he knew I was going to be there, anyway. I doubt it was just a coincidence, and besides me, Kisumi only knows one other person on the Shimogami swim team.” Ikuya looks uncharacteristically embarrassed, like he’s just now realizing that I knew what he was up to. “Do you know how that happened, Ikuya?”

“Maybe Haru told him.”

“Nanase is by far the least likely to help. Try again.”

“You can’t assume that Kisumi doesn’t know anybody. He’s a very social person, he could be friends with our teammates for all we know.”

“Ikuya, I already know it was you. What I want to know is, why? I don’t know why you would do this when you disapprove of the relationship, and why you’re now trying to hide it.”

“I… I don’t disapprove. Sure, I was shocked at first, but I think I was being unfair, or maybe hypocritical is a better word. Like, I can just ditch you whenever I want, but you can’t do the same to me? At least, that’s what Nao said.” It’s not surprising that he would go to Nao for advice. There’s a reason he was called the Iwatobi Mom, after all, if only by Shiina. “I shouldn’t have acted like that. I should’ve been happier for you. I’m sorry.”

“I should’ve told you sooner, too. Maybe not everything right away, but definitely something. I think people think they’re protecting you, not realizing how you feel about things. Some friends we are.”

“I don’t think we’re that bad. Remember when those two guys got into a fistfight on the front lawn when they realized they both liked the same girl? At least that’s not us.”

“That depends. Are we talking about Malcolm and TJ, or about Hiroki and Saburo? Because that happened more than once.” As we start laughing, Shiina interrupts.

“Hey, it doesn’t sound like you guys are studying. Do you two need to get kicked out?” Tachibana tries to keep the peace, as Nanase is trying to play footsie with him under the table.

“You’re saying that like you wouldn’t follow us. You’d miss me too much.” Shiina blushes, but I’m not sure at what (the idea that he’d miss Ikuya? Maybe? Does he consider that embarrassing?) He tries to refute this, but his sister rejects his rejection.

“Yes you would, Asahi. He cried the whole night when we first learned that we were moving again. When social media was first becoming a thing, I tried to get him to find you guys again, but he said that he didn’t think he was worthy of being your friend anymore.”

“Is that why you denied my friend request that one time? I remember thinking that it was odd…” Tachibana looks like he’s just had an epiphany.

Asahi is quick to (kind of) change the subject. “Speaking of social media, Kisumi’s Instagram is probably the best curated one that I’ve ever seen. Like, there’s a good mix of content on there.” He convinced me to join the other day, and he’s tagged me in over 50 pictures. I’ve been tagged in a few by some of the other guys on the swim team, and by people in this group, but the most recent one that Kisumi tagged me in has to be my favorite.

It’s pretty simple, but it’s effective. It’s just our hands, fingers intertwined, laying in the grass with a few autumn leaves for some extra color. (He got a friend from one of his clubs to take it for us.) There’s a caption, “’Cause you look twice as good as anyone I ever met and your love is three times better,” and just one hashtag. “#boyfriend.” The next picture has him kissing my cheek, and then me kissing his, but I like that one the best. Again, this leads me to think about how much my world has expanded in the past few months.

Would I have ever done this before? I never would have been part of a group of friends, or tried so many new things, without Kisumi there to guide me. I never even realized how closed off I had been until the walls were broken down. I had to have my heart broken in the process, but that just allowed it to be stronger for someone else. If I had the chance to go back and redo things, I don’t think I would take it.

I think this is how it was meant to be.

I look over at Kisumi, and his smile (like always) lights up the room. And, this time, it’s all for me.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't know if anybody noticed, but I used Ariana Grande songs for Kisumi and The Weeknd songs for Hiyori. Not my normal kind of music, but I thought it fit them (Kisumi would totally leave whoever he was dating if Ariana expressed interest in him.) And The Weeknd's melancholy vibes fit Hiyori really well, I thought. (The title song is a duet between them, which I had forgotten about lol.) So what happens literally the day after I finished the story? He releases Blinding Lights, and it fits so perfectly with the end of the story, I can't even believe it. "I've been on my own for long enough/ Maybe you can show me how to love, maybe" It makes me kind of angry, actually, how well it fits.  
If you're still reading, I see you, and I appreciate you. If you want more info, the comments will shed some light on things I didn't include, as well as some personal insights.  
Thank you so much! ~Aurora


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